White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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