one might say we're banned from that church
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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