The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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