I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
