i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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