Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
