Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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