There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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