He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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