He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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