guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
