So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
