She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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