mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
