Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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