Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
