Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
