haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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