I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
