i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
