yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
