I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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