think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
North Korea, Best Korea!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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