It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
