I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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