Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
