was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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