oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
