she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize