I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
