So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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