That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
