so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
