I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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