why didn't you poke me back
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
