remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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