He kissed a someone with a penis
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the raccoons are back...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
