hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
