My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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