No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
