There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
