saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
