Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
