What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
