Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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