I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
