Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
