It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
