I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
