if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
