I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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