lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
