The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
