Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
