As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
