I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
