I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just pee around me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
