We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
