i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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