i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
