You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
