I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
