he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
