It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
