He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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