I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
