Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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