You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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