Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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