i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
