A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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