her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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