For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
