I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
