that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
