So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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