My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
