Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
