Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize