great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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